Tag Archives: sex

Save A Life. Suck A Dick.

There are far too many inconsiderate, unsafe, awful fucking drivers on the road. Sometimes the random Korean grandmother will try to slowly merge her Honda CRV steadily into you, but most of the time it’s some testosterone fueled maniac with too much adrenaline in his veins, trust in his abilities and sperm in his sack.

And sadly, this falls as yet another burden upon the women of this country. It’s up to you to save us. Next time your boyfriend, husband, blind date or any stupid guy that happens to be behind the wheel starts thinking he’s Vin Diesel, here’s what you do:┬áPut your hair back in a bun, place your seat-belt comfortably under your arm, bend over to your left, unzip his pants
and suck his dick.

I’ll bet he drives safely with his manhood between your teeth.

Now his fragile fifth limb sits betwixt a jagged guillotine and if he’s following too closely again and rear ends someone this time, click, off it goes. And if you’ve got bad teeth and braces, that’s twice the incentive. If you’re lucky enough to have a good dental plan and straight teeth you might get a nice, clean cut when impact forces your chompers together violently but if his junk has been ripped apart by crooked teeth in sharp metal armor… there may be a few issues with reattaching.

But he’s not gonna refuse the offer. No one turns down road-head. So he’s gonna drive nice and easy. Safe and slow.

Remember, if your safety and the safety of others is at risk, you could save a life by simply sucking a dick.

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I think that the phrase “Nice Guys Finish Last” was meant sexually.

Nice Guys

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